I missed you a lot today, Jojo.

Movies in general always make me think of you, but today I was watching the Golden Globes on my couch alone and I just pictured what it would have been with you here.

I’m not sure if it was the clips from A Star is Born, or the dresses, or just the Hollywood vibe in general. I pictured you cuddled up with me on the couch, telling me about all the different actors and movies I don’t know about. You always knew the stuff I didn’t know, and vice versa.

I pictured you seeing a trailer, or some kind of movie sequence of something you hadn’t seen, then nerding out for the next week reading all about the little details of it.

I imagined you drinking a glass of wine (while I had four), and you getting all excited about the dinner I was making. Pork chops tonight, I just started keto 🙂

We really would have made a beautiful life together mister. But I still feel like somewhere you are here with me, and that eventually gives me some peace. And you aren’t in pain.

At least I have the memories 💜

Love you always

To the folk that is 🙂
(don’t worry, I’m not leaving here anytime soon even though it’s been awhile)

This isn’t really a story that goes along with the rest of the chapters in this order, but it’s an important one to me.  I literally just sent the email to them, figuring it’s my birthday on Thursday so they can’t hate me too much around my birthday.

Instantly I felt sad though, because I didn’t have Joseph to tell.  I’ll never forget telling him about when I first came out to my friends after he left Vancouver.  I was having a really hard time with him leaving and moving on, and wasn’t eating or sleeping.  Too bad all my broken heart spouts aren’t like this with the eating, I’d be back to my high school weight! 🙂

I finally had to tell someone, so I went on a walk and told one of my friends at work, and then eventually I told two of my best friends at a happy hour.  Super emotional each time, per usual for me.

I texted Joseph and told him, and he knew exactly what to say: “Chad!! That’s so great!  I’m so fucking proud of you!!! :D”

Even though I didn’t have him with me, it was the best feeling I could have felt.  Not having him here to text or call or tell in person is hard, but I know he is looking and watching over me.

I like to think that he’s sitting on a comfy couch with some snacks, binge watching The Walking Dead.  Cuddled up next to him are my dogs Sable and Kujo, Sable by his side and Kujo on his lap.  Maybe Prince is watching with him, or Robin Williams. 🙂

I finally did it babe, and I know you are proud and excited.  Love you and miss you always.

Sorry for the long break everyone, I promise I’ll try my best to pick back up where I left off soon! ❤

We are moving a bit backwards in the story a few weeks.

I had been seeing Joseph for only a few weeks and we really wanted to do something during the day together.  So, I decided to take him to the world famous Multnomah Falls for a hike.

Before I came to pick him up he asked if he could bring some of his friends with him.  I panicked inside!  Not because I didn’t want to meet his friends (because I really wanted to), but I had never really openly acknowledged that I was dating a guy to anyone before and now I would be meeting his friends.  As silly as this could sound for a 29yr old, this was a huge step for me.

I went to pick them up and met Kaylee, Paige, and I unfortunately don’t remember the third friend’s name (sorry!)

I had heard a lot about Kaylee and Paige since they were his best friends and they were always hanging together.  The three friends squeezed in the back seat and Jojo sat in the front with me.  While it was a little quiet in the car, I was so happy that this had pushed me to take a step in my journey of coming out.  Plus his friends were so nice, and I got to spend time with my favorite guy!  Couldn’t be better.

We finally made it after about an hour long drive, and immediately we were all taking pictures and stuff.  Even though I’ve lived here most of my life I hadn’t been to Multnomah Falls for a few years.  It was breath-taking and ever since that day I try to get there at least once a year (sadly the aftermath of the fires last year closed much of the hike for the time being )

While I had gone to Multnomah many times in my life, I hadn’t hiked to the top since I was a teenager.  We decided that we were just gonna go for it!  Afterall, that’s where the best views were.

We began the journey up the mountain, which in all is a little over 2 miles with a lift in elevation of about 700ft (thanks Wikipedia).  We got to the bridge and all took some more pictures.

As we continued up further and further, we took a couple breaks.  There was another group of hikers that was also going up at the same time.  Joseph and his friends spotted this guy that was pretty good looking but also climbing around all the trees off the path.  He was deemed “the guy with amazing calves”.  What’s funny is that Joseph and I laughed about him and that time in one of his last few months.

After multiple miles and many stops we finally made it to the very top of the hike!

 

It was so fun watching Joseph’s eyes light up as he saw the beginning of the falls.  I also was so happy and blessed to be able to see him with his friends first-hand.  They all have such an amazing relationship, and I was always so happy he had such a good group of people to spend each day with.

We walked along the stream, touching the freezing water with our hands.  At last we made our way to the lookout point where you can see the all the way to the bottom.  Everyone took a variety of pictures, then Joseph looked to me and said “do you want to take a picture together?”  I was so happy, and of course said yes.  Sadly, I never got a copy of that picture and this would be the only picture we took together for some reason.  Definitely something I would have done differently if I could go back.

After we were all finished taking in the sights and sounds of the falls, we made our way back down to the bottom.  We got in the car and headed back home, and I dropped everyone off.

Joseph gave me a peck and said to make sure I text him when I get home 🙂

As Joseph said in his post, “Not a bad day, not a bad day at all!”

I have some other stories I want to share that occurred before Valentine’s Day, but since it is that time of year I think I’d like to jump ahead to this one first. 🙂

Joseph and I had been seeing each other for about five or six weeks at this point and I was having the best time of my life.  I’d only ever dated anyone during the beginning months of the year, and I’d never had a real Valentine.  Sure I’d exchanged gifts with girls before, but nothing even somewhat serious or romantic.

I was a bundle of nerves as I worked up the courage to ask Joseph if he would be my Valentine and go out with me for Valentine’s Day.   I remember sending him a text, looking at the read receipt, and watching him write back in real time (iMessage really can mess with your mind).

He said “Yes!  Of course I will! 😀 .”

Immediately I began planning for this monumental event (for me anyway).  I started looking at Groupon and doing research around what would be going on around the city.  I didn’t want it to be too cliche, this had to be special and romantic.

Joseph would be excited no matter where we went, which was one of my favorite things about him.  I wish I could properly describe how pure, genuine, and loving his heart was.  For a lot of our time together I’d always be worrying about planning things just right, making sure to properly organize.  Joseph would always just tell me that as long as we got to spend time together he was excited, and that’s all that mattered.

All that being said, this had to be perfect, duh.

So I started going on OpenTable.com and checking out what reservations were available.  I finally settled on a restaurant I’d only been to a few times called The Stone Cliff Inn.

One of the best parts of this place was how far away it was from Vancouver, where Joseph was living.  This meant that I was able to hold his hand for a good 40 minutes on the ride there!  Joseph and I always held hands, and I would constantly get frustrated with my car since it was a stick shift.

I knew there was a park nearby too, so I figured we could hang out there first.  There was a really pretty little creek at the park, and we went and walked around and Joseph took pictures of the ducks.  It was nice to just walk around, relax, and talk.

We went to the restaurant and Joseph was super excited to see the inside of the lodge.  We each ordered a glass of wine and had some delicious food.  I don’t quite remember what the menu was, but they had some kind of 3 course meal that we each had.  I remember thinking that this date was really an important step for me since it was the official day of romance and here I was sitting with a beautiful guy.

After dinner we headed to our next destination, Helium Comedy Club.  There were a couple of acts, one local comedian and a headline that I had seen on some Comedy Central specials (I don’t remember their names either, I’m the worst haha).  They were both hilarious, and Joseph was cracking up with that adorable laugh the entire time.

We walked around downtown for a little bit after that, which was one of our favorite things to do.  I never spent much time exploring the city before I started seeing Joseph, and now I constantly see things down there that remind me of our time together.

I took him home and he gave me a big hug and kiss, and made sure to tell me to text him when I made it home.  What a night!

Happy belated Valentine’s Day to you sweet guy, thank you for giving me a night I’ll never ever forget!

Sorry I haven’t written in a few weeks, I really miss talking to him and was having a hard time trying to talk about it.

Anyways, Chapter 3!

I was absolutely on cloud 9 after our first date.  I couldn’t stop thinking about him, which was pretty strange for me.  Me being totally new to these feelings and this situation, I kinda went a little nuts and decided I had to find a way to show him that I cared.  I wanted it to be something special but not too crazy, just the right amount 🙂

Since we had only had one date so far I really didn’t have a lot to work with in knowing what he liked or what would seem special to us.  Then it clicked: hot sauce!

I logged onto Amazon and created a shopping cart full of all the different flavors of hot sauce I could find.  Narrowing it down to 6 in total, I made sure I kept the ones I could remember he liked from our date.

Now, I knew where he lived since I’d picked him up and everything, so I just entered that as the address and waited for the delivery day.  I was so excited for him to get them!

We are still talking a decent amount most days. He starts messaging me good morning and he hopes I have a good day.  I can’t believe my luck of having this guy I’m head over heels for reach out to me every morning.

The day approaches that the delivery is supposed to arrive (it was only two days later, because Prime duh).  I’m trying to decide if I want to wait until he finds it to say something or if I want to tell him that he has a package.  I decide I’ll wait.

It’s getting later and later in the day and I still haven’t heard from him about the sauces.  I’m starting to have nervous thoughts like “was this too much?” “does this freak him out since we’ve only been out one time?”

Finally I just decide to tell him that there should be a package for him.  He is a little confused at first, but then gets really excited!  He goes over to the office and I don’t hear from him in a little while. “What is going on? Maybe he doesn’t like them” I think.

I finally hear back from him and he asks me what name I sent the package to.  I tell him his name, Joseph Witwicky of course…

Joseph then goes on to tell me that his name is really Jose Lopez, he just really likes Transformers and Sam Witwicky is the character name of Shia LeBeouf.

The lady at the front office was very confused and pretty rude about the fact that the package wasn’t under his real name, so it took some convincing for him to get it from her.

He finally opens it up and is sooooo excited!  He tells me he can’t believe that I was so thoughtful and it was the perfect gift.  Score!!!

For the next month he tells me all about what he tried the sauce on, and which ones he likes better than the others (Chipotle Pepper).

Miss you cutie ❤

The next morning (I waited until after I ate brunch to make sure Joseph would be awake) I checked in with Joseph to confirm he did in fact want to go on a date with me.  He was nervous and concerned about school, but said he would go.

We decided on a movie and I let him choose whichever one he wanted to see. He instantly chose The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies. I’ll get back to this later.

Joseph is staying in student housing, which is in some apartment complex a couple miles away from his school.  I get there and pull up in the driveway looking for his building, when the most grumpy, entitled security guard I’ve ever met knocks on my window.  As I roll down the window he asks me “what do you think you’re doing?” I let him know I’m picking up a friend and he says “no, this isn’t the way this works.  You need to leave the premises immediately.”  So naturally I give him some passive aggressive attitude, roll my eyes, and go park on the street outside of the complex.

I text Joseph, explaining the situation and letting him know that I’m outside the complex.  He is annoyed and says something to the security guard as he’s walking by, then hops in the car and we say hello.

Full of jitters, I look over and see this guy that so cute.  He’s wearing a beanie, a sweater, and these really cute jeans.  And he smells really good!  It’s hard to explain, but he always smelled so good.  You can tell he is nervous, as am I.

So we get to the theater and get our tickets to see the movie.  Now, I figured he probably just chose this movie because it was number one at the time or something (this was the third and final Hobbit movie);  Boy was I wrong.

For those of you who didn’t experience movies with Joseph first hand let me tell you, the guy knew his stuff;  Especially if it was a movie series that was based on books or comic books.  The movie begins and his eyes light up, he is so excited.

I’m all kinds of confused because I haven’t seen the second one of the Hobbit movies yet, and I always get the stories confused with the Lord of the Rings story.  I don’t let him onto this though. I just enjoy the scenes, eat some of the giant tub of popcorn I bought for us, and try to keep up.

As the movie continues, I can’t help but keep looking over to watch his expressions as he experiences this film.  It was such a innocent and pure thing to see, he is fully engrossed and loving every minute of it.  Joseph, unlike most adults, never allowed the world to take away his excitement.

I am really nervous, but begin to lean my body into his a bit.  He seems to be doing the same, but I can’t be sure.  This is really the first date I’ve had where we went to a movie I think.  I had barely dated at all most of my entire life, and had no idea what the hell I was doing.

Finally I get the courage and go to put my arm around him.  He goes for it! Whew!!  The armrest is still in our way but we manage to cuddle as best we can.  My nerves turn to butterflies and I try to continue to pay attention as best I can.  Most of the time though, I’m watching Joseph watch this movie.  He gasps and laughs and gets worried as the story ebbs and flows.  It is fascinating for me to witness for the first time.

About three quarters of the way through the film he looks up and we make eye contact.  We both lean in and have our first kiss, right there in front of Gandolf the Grey (I think I got that right, he’d let me know if I was wrong).

The movie ends and we get up to leave. While walking back to the car, Joseph is telling me all about what he liked and didn’t like.  He starts going into all of the character development and what he felt was authentic to the story.  I honestly had no idea he knew so much about this stuff!  I’d come to find out that he always knew a bunch about every movie series and TV show he enjoyed.  It’s his thing 🙂

We get in the car and drive back towards his place and I ask him if he’s hungry.  He seems like he is but is hesitant, but we finally decide that we are going to find food.  It’s around 11:30PM already so we settle on Shari’s, which is a local 24hr joint kinda like Denny’s.

Joseph gets some kind of scramble thing and I get an omelette.  We just continue talking about movies and tv and family and life.  It’s so natural and not awkward at all.  We are there for over three hours, just enough time for Joseph to try all the different hot sauces on his eggs.  He hadn’t seen a few of the flavors and was so excited to try all of them.

We finally decided to go home around 3AM or so, I pull up to his complex and park the car.  He gives me a kiss and tells me to text him when I get home.

I hadn’t ever felt this way after a first date.  I was on cloud 9 and experiencing a high I couldn’t have ever imagined.  Is this guy even real?

Thanks for reading!  I plan on posting about once a week or so, so make sure you come check it out next time ❤

This chapter begins in December 2014.  I had recently had the person I was dating move away, and wasn’t sure whether I was ready to meet anyone new.

Finally deciding to look through a couple dating apps, I stumble upon a photo unlike most I see:

I am instantly cracking up, and also interested in getting to know someone this cute who posts a winged photo on a dating app.

I message “hey, how’s it going” (I know, I’m very smooth).  Me being me, I instantly expect to not get a response, as is the case with gay dating apps oftentimes.  Much to my surprise, I get a message back saying “hi :)”

We get to talking and I learn that his name is Joseph and he’s in town going to school to become a flight attendant.  We talk about the holidays and how it’s hard for him to be away from his family, but that he’s only been the PacNW for a couple weeks.

He isn’t sure why he is on apps as he is pretty convinced that he doesn’t want to meet anyone, instead focusing on his studies.  Nevertheless, we continue talking for a few days until I ask him if we can exchange phone numbers.  Every couple days I sneak in a suggestion to meet up, even if it’s just for coffee or something.

Christmas rolls around and we are still texting, talking about our past and our families.  I’m still very, very closeted, but we still begin to follow each other on Instagram.  There’s nothing quite like the feeling you get when a cute guy you’ve been talking to starts liking all your old Instagram photos 🙂

Up until that point I hadn’t really been much of an Instagram user, but Joseph was so good at it!  I tried to step up my game:

All of a sudden it was New Year’s Eve.  I was out the famous Chopsticks II, a legendary (now closed) karaoke bar in SE Portland with my best friend Josh.  We had been drinking and each had sung a song (the list there was always so long ugh).

It was getting close to midnight and I get a text from Joseph, who has also seemed to have been partaking in some festivities.  Somehow I end up walking out onto the patio and calling him.  I had never heard his voice before, it was so adorable and sweet sounding.

Some things were a bit hazy, but I remember eventually saying to him “I really want to take you out, will you just give it a shot?”  And he said yeah!

Even though I ended up turning around and having this 40 something year old woman kiss me without consent at midnight, it was still the best New Year’s Eve I have ever had.  I was finally going to get to meet this handsome fella 😀

Kelly,

This site is dedicated to you! Joseph would always talk about how you were his rock.  You are so strong and your love and support means so much to him, and to me.  I hope you enjoy reading about my time and experiences with Jr.

I’ll be adding stories all throughout the year for you and other loved ones to read if they like 🙂

Merry Christmas!

Love Chad

Thank you for stopping by.  This is a memory bank of the stories and love for Joseph Lopez.  You may know him as Jr, JoJo, Mr. Witwicky, or some other nickname.

This is a dedication to one of the most amazing, silly, nerdy, hilarious, loving people you could ever come across in this life.  It is my love story.

I hope you enjoy!

Chad

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